


remind me why we're friends

by tooastranger



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Epistolary, Gangbang, M/M, Multi, OT5, casual polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 18:49:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3082574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooastranger/pseuds/tooastranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall: This is my sandwich DO NOT TOUCH<br/>Louis: You know Liam is just going to eat it the moment he gets even a little hungry, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	remind me why we're friends

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for my loveliest G, who seems to be the poor victim of all my fanfic attempts, for our Secret Santana. Her prompt: OT5, 1d, epistolary, notes found on the tour bus during the Where We Are tour, which I then ran with like an adhd child on sugar, and then there was porn. oops?

 

** 15 August 2014 **

 

Niall: This is my sandwich DO NOT TOUCH

Louis: You know Liam is just going to eat it the moment he gets even a little hungry, right?

Liam: WILL NOT

Louis: Yes you will you get hangry after shows 

Niall: LIAM DON’T GO NEAR THIS SANDWICH I bought it special in Philly OK? 

Liam: WTF I have self control 

 

 **niallhoran** :

[instagram picture: Liam featured asleep and with koki all over his face. The word’s “I’m a hungry hungry baby” are scrawled on his forehead]

YOU ARSE THIS IS PAYBACK FOR EATING MY SANDWICH. I FUCKIN WARNED YA

#payback #mysandwich #goodluckwashingthatoff #thankyouzayn

 

 **zaynmalik1D** @zaynmalik

okay who took my pens

  
_______________________________________

Payno (22:31)

how the fuck do i wash ur pens off my face

 

Zayn Malik (22:34)

so u took them

 

Payno (22:34)

No it was that irish fucker

 

Zayn Malik (22:35)

y did he draw on ur face

 

Payno (22:36)

chek twitter

how long have u ben asleep man

 

Zayn Malik (22:37)

dunno. where r we?

 

Payno (22:37)

fuck knows. weve ben driving 4 lyk 3 hours.

 

Zayn Malik (22:38)

then about 2h30min.

give me back my pens i wanna sketch.

 

Payno (22:38)

cant. plotting revenge.

 

 

** 16th August 2014 **

 

Liam: H - lick all of these when you wake up DONT EAT THEM and dont tell anyone.

Harry: leeyum. you can’t ask me to lick these and not tell me more

Liam: have u licked them yet??

Harry: busy. there are lots

Liam: get them good and soggy.

Harry: who are they for? i have really rank morning breath.

Liam: great. ull find out later.

 

 **liam** @Real_Liam_Payne

FOR Nialler, sorry mate insta.gram/4shfj943 @niallofficial

[instagram photo: plate of oreo cookies]

 

 **Niall Horan** @niallofficial

cheers Payno. Apology accepted

 

 **Harry Styles.** @harrystyles

um. sorry @niallofficial. you might want to wait on that forgiveness..x insta.gram/fis2943d7

[instagram photo: Harry taking a selfie with his tongue out, licking the inside of an oreo]

 

 **Niall Horan** @niallofficial

BETRAYAL. THOUGHT YOU WERE ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS HAZ. #findmesomelisterine

 

Louis: MY PANTS BETTER BE BACK WHEN I RETURN 

Niall: Sorry Tommo, they were reappropriated for the war 

Louis: i s2g Niall imma kill you 

Niall: Just borrow some from Haz 

Louis: Haz doesn’t own any you dipshit 

Harry: Heeyyyy 

Louis: What? Don’t deny it.  

Harry: I totally own pants. S’not my fault they bunch up under my skinnies. 

Louis: So what ur saying is that you currently don’t have any pants with you right? 

Harry: oh. right.  

Niall: Actually, if he owned pants, they’d have been appropriated too 

Zayn: Niall the fuck did you do with my pants??? 

Niall: Ur pants will be safe boys don’t worry 

Liam: I dont like what Im seeing here. 

Niall: U started this Payno 

 

**niallhoran**

[instagram picture: Liam’s bunk on the tour bus. There are pants everywhere. In the pillow case, under the mattress, lining the bed frame]

@fakeliampayne PANTS SNIFFER

  
___________________________

Louis <3 (23:03)

we need to stop them haz it’s gone too far

 

Harold (23:07)

stop who

 

Louis <3 (23:07)

niall and liam you knob. i need my pants back.

 

Harold (23:08)

i like you without pants

 

Louis <3 (23:08)

cheers love but my bum is freezing

 

Harold (23:08)

oh no! :( we can’t sacrifice your bum. let’s take

them down.

 

Louis <3 (17:09)

such a gentleman.

will you wake zayn up and meet me in the back

of the bus?

 

Harold (23:10)

why do i have to wake him?

 

Louis <3 (23:11)

bc we all know youre best at it.

 

Harold (23:12)

you owe me

 

** 17th August 2014 **

 

Louis: WRITE HERE YOU TWAT

BC I DONT WANT LI + NIALL HEARING US

zayn.

zen i won’t answer you

use a pen zen

Zayn: FUCK FINE 

why the fuck did ur bf wake me louis 

Louis: we had desperate need of you my comrade

Zayn: he stuck his tongue in my ear

Louis: well you try potty training him

Harry: excuse me its not like he’s easy to wake 

Zayn: f u 

Louis: the man has a point

Zayn: f u 2. u do remember the show we finished like 2 hours ago

Louis: whats ur point?

Zayn: LOUIS. I WILL KILL YOU MATE.

Louis: not now love. Li and Niall need to be stopped. this is gonna get out of hand soon, and theyre having all the fun besides. now listen, i have a plan.

 

** 19th August **

 

Zayn: N, come to my bunk yeah? I got excellent shit in Detroit.

Niall: shit z, ur really good

Zayn: its just a doodle nialler

Niall: so?

Zayn: so, it’s just a doodle. It’s nothing special.

Niall: stfu z.. everything in this pad is special. it’s yours.

Niall: whats this?

Zayn: just an idea i had

Niall: mystery? what kind of mystery?

Zayn: dunno

Niall: are you mystery?

Zayn: maybe

Niall: what am i

Zayn: a puppy

Niall: heyyyyyyyy thats haz

Zayn: um okay. you’d be like sunshine or sumthing

Niall: what?

Zayn: youre warm and bright i dunno

Niall: zayn are you blushing

Zayn: shut it and pass the joint

 

Niall: hahaha i remember this one. u did it in like 5 min right

Zayn: yeah

Niall: haz looked like such a tosser

Zayn: and he doesnt usually?

Zayn: it was a joke STOP TICKLING ME

Niall: you made a really hot girl too

Zayn: thanks?

Niall: tho, to be fair, ur usually hot.

Niall: like insanely hot. its the cheekbones.

Zayn: ur not so bad urself irish.

Niall: yeah?

Zayn: i dont lie niall

Niall: no, you dont. Louis definitely. Liam when he panics. Haz tries but hes so bad at it. but not you.

Zayn: so u know its true when i say i want to lick a line from your lips straight down to ur cock

Niall: ?? !!!! !

Zayn: who’s blushing now

Niall: not fair. i go bright red

Zayn: i know. i love it. makes me need a reminder of how far it extends.

  
  
___________________________

Harold (12:52)

mission “catch niall with his pants around his

ankles and take damning evidence” accomplished.

we need a shorter code name.

 

Louis <3 (12:52)

you think?

 

Harold (12:53)

what about operation revealing banana

or operation pants and blow

heh. blow.

 

Louis <3 (12:53)

youre a spy genius Haz

 

Harold (12:53)

You know, the rest of you are all getting off on this

assignment and im just manning the equipment

 

Louis <3 (12:53)

i’ll man your equipment afterwards

 

Harold (12:53)

yeah??

 

Louis <3 (12:54)

Absolutely. and maybe the boys will have forgiven

eachother enough (or have realised the depth of our

blackmail) to join us.

 

Harold (12:54)

you think theyd be up for it? its been aaages

 

Louis <3 (12:55)

You just show up without trousers on and ready

to put on a show, and they won’t be able to say no.

  
  
  
___________________________

Louis Tomlinson (01:04)

Li, come here

 

Li (01:04)

what do you want Lou

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:04)

*smirking emoji*

 

Li (01:05)

where is ur bf

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:05)

oh hes around. but i miss u

 

Li (01:05)

im literally three bunks down 4rm u

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:05)

i knoooowww. :( so far. too far too touch.

 

Li (01:06)

Louis. there are other people around

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:06)

dont care- im hard already

 

Li (01:06)

jesus.

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:06)

Louis is fine.

come on leeeeee

its not gonna be just me and my hand is it

 

Li (01:07)

Louiiiis. stop.

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:07)

cant. feels too good.

im so hard liam and its ur fault

 

Li (01:07)

how the fcuk do you rekon that

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:07)

you were so hot on stage 2night

 

Li (01:07)

no its just hot as balls in nashville

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:07)

keep talking about balls

…

Li are you still there

 

Li (01:09)

louis you cant say shit like this to me when ur

so far away

  
  


Louis Tomlinson (01:09)

excuse me thats what i said at the beginning

 

Li (01:09)

yeah but now i understand ur problem fuck

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:09)

pretend im there with you then.

pretend ur pinning me down

you always get that look in ur face when i sass

you. its the ‘imma kiss the fuck out of you’ face

im pretending you have that look on ur face

right now

ur shirt rucked up, ur thigh between my legs

 

Li (01:12)

lou. fuck.

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:12)

I can hear you from my bunk.

Fuck I can picture you already. One hand shoved

in your pants, the other fisted to your mouth.

But I can hear the noises.

I bet the whole bus can hear you too.

Let them know what Im doing to you.

Come on Li, come for me.

 

Li (01:13)

U DID THAT ON PORPOSE

I CANT BELEIVE U

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:13)

YEAH WELL GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS

 

Li (01:13)

THAT WASNT EVN ME

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:13)

dont worry, hes taken care of too.

...

you started this Li. Harry just helped me finish.

… and i helped u finish *smirking emoji*

 

Li (01:14)

i hate you all

 

Louis Tomlinson (01:14)

Sure love. Now tuck yourself back in and come

join me for cuddles.

…

Im still hard. I’ll let you help.

  
  
___________________________

Niall and Liam exchange pink faced handshakes the next day, Harry threateningly waving his camera around above them.

 

“Well, that was masterfully handled, if I say so myself.”

 

“You do say so yourself, Louis. You always do,” Liam mutters. He has a small bruise creeping out along his ribs where the gape of his tank top ends. He will swear to the end of his days that it was not placed there by a smirking Louis, as he came for the second time, Louis’ fist wrapped tightly around him.

 

“Just the herald of good news then, I suppose,” Louis says. He’s lying across Zayn’s lap, his socked feet propped up on Liam’s lap. Liam has no idea why, but he’s massaging them against his better judgement.

 

“Speaking of Harold’s-”

 

“Wrong kind, Haz.”

 

“ _Speaking of Harold’s_ ,” Harry starts again, “I had to witness a lot of boy-loving-” “Oh _my god_ , Haz” “last night and I was just sat all by myself all night.” The last part is said in a rush, as if Harry was worried he’d never get a chance to finish his sentence. It is a valid fear when Louis is around.

 

“Granted, I had some pretty decent photographs to keep myself occupied with-” “Oi!” “But I was alone. In a bus filled with my best mates, who are all unfairly attractive, and who were otherwise occupied.”

 

The feet in Liam’s hands are abruptly pulled away as Louis jerks upright. He vaults over Liam and flops immediately onto Harry, the younger disappearing in a huff of air and a flail of limbs.

 

“No sad, Haz,” Liam hears Louis mutter, his voice muffled from it’s origin near Harry’s left armpit. There is a very manly squeak, and suddenly Harry’s windmill arms are  flying through the air as he gasps for breath. There is a fierce tickle war of about thirty seconds, before Louis sits back, preening triumphantly at the large, dopey smile plastered to Harry’s face. Say what people will about Louis Tomlinson, he takes care of his boys.

 

“Lads, our youngest, dear, sweet, impressionable Harold is feeling neglected. All because of you two,” he points and first Niall and then Liam in turn, “and your petty war. How could you be so cruel?”

 

“Collateral damage?” Liam mutters under his breath.

 

“Collateral damage? Liam Payne I am appalled!”

 

“Hey, s’not exactly like either of us exited this situation unscathed.”

 

“Excuse me, Nialler, I cannot hear you over the flashback of Irish hands gripping a national treasure, namely Zayn’s hair, like his life depended on it.”

 

“No permanent damage done,” Zayn mumbles. He’s leaning comfortably against Niall, who has once again adopted a lovely pink tinge to his ears. Liam swallows thickly at the mental image, his eyes following Niall’s blush as it dips below the open drape of his shirt.

 

“Regardless, our boy needs our help.” Louis adjusts his position until he’s straddling Harry’s lap. He quickly pulls off his shirt, and starts on the three remaining buttons keeping Harry’s shirt “closed”. Harry’s hands shoot to grip Louis’ waist as his shirt is pushed down his shoulders, the long expanse of his stomach becoming visible. Louis dips forward and immediately captures Harry’s lips in a filthy kiss, all clashing tongues and spit.

 

“Cor, Lou, right here?” Niall mumbles. He shifts slightly, propping up Zayn between his legs as he turns to get a better view. Zayn’s eyes open fully, Harry and Louis’s show enough to garner his full attention. Louis doesn’t answer, having taken up grinding his hips down into Harry’s lap in slow circles. Liam can feel himself starting to harden in his pants. Fuck, the back of the bus isn’t exactly private, but the soft gasps coming from Harry makes it hard to care right now.

 

“Li, get over here,” Louis says.

 

“Where? That couch isn’t exactly spacious.”

 

“Not a problem, right now, Li, if you haven’t noticed. And take your pants off.” Louis pulls Harry forward, ridding him of his shirt, and creating a gap just large enough for Liam to squeeze into. His broad, and suddenly very naked, frame serves as a prop for Harry to remain upright on.

 

“Excellent,” Louis mumbles. He’s taken his own clothing off, and is making quick work of Harry’s jeans, fingers sure on the zipper, and tugging his pants off along with his skinnies. They’re so tight, Liam is amazed they didn’t put up more of a fight.

 

Harry leans back against Liam, and Liam’s hands come up to Harry’s hair, knowing that he becomes a puddle of boy-goo the moment it’s played with.

 

“Li,” Harry mumbles, grinding backwards slightly, his eyes dropping shut. The curve of his ass brushes Liam’s cock and Liam lets out a soft gust of air.

 

“You like his cock, Haz?” Louis teases. He’s perched between Harry’s legs, hand loosely cupped around himself and pulling in gentle strokes. Liam’s dick twitches at the sight. Louis has never had any shame. Harry just moans in reply, grinding down again, and one hand reaching down to cup his balls.

 

“Well then, let’s get you prepared, and maybe Mr Payne would be obliged to put on a little show for us.” Louis let’s go of himself, his cock bobbing, but hard enough that it simply curls upwards towards his stomach. He quickly reaches over to one of the cupboards and pulls out a mostly-finished bottle of lube. He quickly covers his fingers before coming back to rest between Harry’s knees, fingers reaching past Harry’s, until he finds what he’s looking for. Harry let’s out a gasp that let’s Liam know Louis has pushed his first finger in, past that tight ring of muscle.

 

A second gasp pulls Liam’s attention away from what’s happening in his lap, and to his surprise, Niall and Zayn still exist outside of his little threesome. Zayn’s eye are hooded and his hands are gripping Niall’s thighs as the Irishman’s hand dips into his pants repeatedly.

 

“Lift your hips,” he hears Niall whisper, and then he’s shoving Zayn’s jeans out of the way. Zayn’s dick pulls up to rest flat against  his stomach. Liam can see the red flush of the head from where he’s sitting. Niall’s blunt fingernails rake up Zayn’s thighs once before returning to his cock. Zayn keens a little and bucks back into Niall’s crotch.

 

“God, you look so beautiful,” Louis voice pulls Liam’s attention back. Louis has got three fingers slowly pushing and twisting inside Harry by now. Harry’s face and chest are flushed pink, and he’s panting wet breaths against Liam’s bicep.

 

“Please, Lou, I’m ready,” he whines, as Louis fingers make him arch down. He reaches to touch himself, but Louis just bats his hands away. There is an obscene wet slurp, and then Louis’ hands come up to rest of Harry’s hips.

 

“Okay, Haz, okay,” he kisses into Harry’s hair, lifting the larger boy gently. Liam’s cock, which had been sandwiched between Harry’s lower back and his own stomach, tilts forward slightly with a sad ache making Liam’s toes curl.

 

“Fuck, Li. I think Harry might be forgetting how big you are. Sure you don’t need more prep, love?” Louis asks, petting Harry’s side.

 

“No, m’ready,” Harry insists. It’s Liam’s favourite thing about sexed-up Harry. The curly boy goes limp and satisfied all over, but still he knows what he wants.

 

“We’ll just go slow then, right, Li?” Louis meets Liam’s eyes.

 

“Hng- S-sure,” is all that Liam manages to get out before Louis is lowering Harry down onto his cock.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck-” Liam swears as a tight warm heat slowly starts to envelop him. Harry tenses up slightly, back arching towards Liam, and then suddenly he slams down.

 

With a grunt, Liam takes a moment to appreciate Harry’s warm ass flush with his stomach. He really is big, and so he doesn’t often yet to top. He presses his fingers into Harry’s hips, and then Harry is rising. He moves and twists slightly, looking for the right angle, until he finally let’s out a soft “yessss-” and then he’s rocking down onto Liam in earnest.

 

“Fuck, Haz, you’re such a cockslut,” Louis breathes. Liam can see Louis over the rise and fall of Harry’s shoulder. He’s got his cock back in his hand, the head vanishing with every bob and twist of Louis’ wrist.

 

“It’s how you love me,” Harry gasps. There is the wet slap of skin on skin, and Liam knows he won’t last long. Harry’s hair bounces softly around his face, sweat making it stick in parts to his forehead and neck.

 

“Damn straight, babe,” Louis mumbles. He leans forward as takes Harry cock in his other hand. Harry’s hips falter in their rhythm for a moment, so Liam tightens his grip, keeping Harry in place, and driving his hips up into Harry’s ass. He spends a moment watching himself disappear over and over into Harry before there is a cry of release from next to him. His head snaps around in time to see Zayn shooting stripes of cum over Niall’s hand, Niall’s face buried in Zayn’s neck as he shudders and comes too.

 

“That’s it babe, let me come on you,” Louis murmurs. Harry leans forward, and the change in angle pulls a grunt from Liam. His thighs are starting to burn from exertion, when suddenly Louis let’s out a strangled cry, his cum landing in streaks across Harry’s chest. That seems to do it for Harry because suddenly he’s clenching around Liam and coming. Louis surges forward to catch Harry in his arms, ignoring the obscene amount of sperm between them. He runs his hands up and down Harry’s back, whispering softly in Harry’s ear. With just a few more thrusts, Liam is coming too in long wet pulses inside Harry. Liam eases out of Harry, hissing at the overstimulation, some of his come sliding out with him. They’re a mess, but Liam doesn’t care in the slightest.

 

There is a moment of silence, broken only by gasps from five sets of recovering lungs.

 

“Shit, Niall,” Liam breathes eventually. “If that’s gonna happen every time I nick your sandwich… well, mate… you’re never gonna eat again.”

 

Soft chuckling and a well aimed, slightly damp pillow thrown at his head, are Liam’s only replies.

  
  
  
  


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

 


End file.
